Being in an emotionally abusive relationship changes you. It’s a plague. It infects every aspect of your life. Big or small, it will make you rethink everything you’ve ever known.
First, they start to break you down. They tell you that you aren’t worth anything; not a second of their time. They tell you they couldn’t care less about you, or that you’re in their life. You’re worthless to them. You don’t affect them. And they don’t need you. And they show it.
They start to ruin the relationships you have. Anyone and everyone close to you. Friends. Family. They push them away from you, or you away. You stop hanging out with these other people, because you feel forced. They make you feel guilty for trying to spend time with other people. For the people you love. So you stop. Everyone notices but you’re too embarrassed to admit it.
You begin to spend all of your time with them. Every waking moment. Every minute you aren’t at work or school, trust and believe, you will be with them. They make you feel bad if you’re not. Maybe they’ll say that you don’t care about them, or that they’re not important enough for you. And you feel bad about it; guilty.
You have lost your ability to stand up for yourself as well. The second you even try and take your life back they will tell you the same sob story you’ve heard a million times before. That they have nothing; no one. Suddenly all of the crap they’ve ever been through comes up and they try and make you feel bad for them. And trust me, it works. They will manipulate you and make you feel so bad for even trying to take a stand that you learn to shy away from it. Or you just don’t want the same sad story a million times, so you learn to keep your mouth shut. You essentially lose your freedom of speech.
They control every aspect of you. When you eat, sleep, crap. What time you hang out. Who you can work with. Who you are allowed to talk to. Who you text, email, talk to on the phone, anyone you may try to contact. And believe me, you won’t have many people that are worth trying to get through that barrier. So you don’t talk to anyone. And if someone texts you who they may or may not know of or approve of, they will destroy that relationship. Make you text them telling them to leave you alone or that you can’t talk to them anymore.
They don’t trust you. They make that very clear. They don’t trust your judgement. They don’t trust you by yourself; with friends; and even with family. They don’t trust that you’re telling the truth, and even after you try and prove to them that you are being honest, it doesn’t mean anything.
They always think you’re cheating on them. They’re insecurities make them not trust anyone. And even when you are glued to their side EVERY second of EVERY day, they still think you have time to go out of your way and cheat on them.
It’s exhausting. It tears you apart. It breaks all ties you could have with anyone. It separates you from everything and everyone you love. It breaks you down. They make you feel W O R T H L E S S.
And you know what?
After a while, you start to believe them.
You are worthless.
You aren’t worth anyone’s time.
If you leave them you will have NO ONE. NO ONE. And it’s kinda true. You pushed everyone else away.
Talking to anyone else would be pointless because it’s not worth the fight.
No one cares about you.
You can’t leave, where would you go?
This HORRIBLE and MANIPULATIVE mind game they are playing becomes your life. Your painful, confusing, horrible life.
It becomes your new way of living.
You can’t get out.
You forget who you are.
You feel trapped.
And trapped so far into this grave that was dug for you that even your loudest, bloodiest, excruciating cries for help go unheard.
Emotionally abusive relationships are a PLAGUE.
As soon as you get out of this so called relationship (and for me it took him cheating on me), you finally think you’re free. Finally.
But you aren’t even close…
You start to become infected.
You start to question everyone’s motives. You start to wonder if they are telling the truth. You start to believe that no one wants anything to do with you, or you with them. You start to think that no one has good motives anymore.
You begin to look through the eyes of the killer.
And by that I mean, you become the killer.
You become numb.
No one matters to you, and no one means anything because you’re so scared of being hurt, being screwed over, being torn apart anymore.
You put your walls up. You don’t let anything close. You trust NO ONE.
You become just as bad as the person who abused you.
And you start to abuse others.
It’s a plague, that’s the best way I can describe it.
And for letting this person into your life, you ruin every aspect of your life.
You lose sight of who you really are.
The emotional scars will affect every aspect of your life until you find your way back.
And let me tell you, trying to find who you were before the relationship, trying to mend all the wounds, and trying to fix yourself, are the hardest things to do. You will struggle, for months, years even, but I believe you can find your way back. It’s going to hurt, like hell. But I believe in you. I do. And I can finally do that again: Believe. And for that, I am thankful. And finally, after what feels like forever, I am free.
Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.
1. Know that you are still blooming, and this is okay.
2. Write handwritten love notes to the parts of yourself you hate.
3. Find the comfort in holding your own hand.
4. Remember, even clouds cry sometimes.
5. Date yourself. Get to know yourself again.
6. Learn how to be alone without feeling lonely.
7. Do something that scares you every day, no matter how small. Watch your life change.
8. Stop wishing for a vacation and make your life into something you don’t wish to escape from.
9. Recognize that the best artists color outside the lines. You have the same freedom in your life. Break conventions.
10. Go to the florist on the corner and buy yourself some flowers. Spoil yourself. You deserve it.
11. Throw out your premeditated list of qualities for your perfect mate. That special person is not a recipe or equation. Humans are more than that.
12. Share your testimony. Our story is meant to be heard. Find your voice.
13. Wish to be more like rain than snow. Snow is frigid and hardens. Rain is vulnerable and soft.
14. Look at your veins. They are roots, and your limbs are branches. Your body is a strong tree. Don’t you dare cut it down.
15. Strive to have the humility as the sun. It shines brilliantly every day without needing anyone to notice.
16. Flip through old photos and reminisce about the past, but do not live there. Nothing new happens there.
17. Dust off the fingerprints of any past lover left on your skin. You belong only to yourself.
18. Become the person you’d like to fall in love with.
19. Loving yourself again will be like putting on eyeglasses. The blur will fade and you will see yourself for what you truly are: beautiful.